What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 10:53
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Otsuka tops Vera Therapeutics in kidney disease study showdown - statnews.com
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Avalanche Signs Nelson - NHL.com
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Devin Harjes, "Boardwalk Empire" and "Manifest" actor, dies at 41 - CBS News
Comes on , in middle age.
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She found it foreign!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why did Trump call Biden and Schumer Palestinians?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Another Bodybuilder Just Died a Horrible Death - futurism.com
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Watch toddler’s joyful scream when beloved uncle surprises him during hide-and-seek - USA Today
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When she asked me how she looked .
Simone Biles ‘incinerated her legacy’ with trans athlete posts: Riley Gaines - New York Post
But it wasn’t much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
NASA Mars Orbiter Captures Volcano Peeking Above Morning Cloud Tops - NASA (.gov)
I never cut or harmed myself..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
How did you become popular in school?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
A Major American Egg Farm Just Lost 90% of its Chickens - Bloomberg
Especially a lifetime of it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Hegseth moves to rename Navy ship honoring gay rights icon Harvey Milk - The Washington Post
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My life is so biszare .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We all went to grammer schools
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It was going to be , some day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Would this be the day?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i lived it daily.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
I was scared of men, in general
All the time i was locked up.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What did i know ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was very sick at this time too.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But, we were locked up after school.
She loved him until the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I waited trembling.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I will be 64.
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Ive learnt so much.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was seconnd youngest,
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I don,t even have a pension.
I did it because my mum asked me too!